I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
