so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize