hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
