So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
