I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize