I'm drive I can fine osifer
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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