My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
