I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
