Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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