apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
