So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
