I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
