Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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