yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
