I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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