who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
