in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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