i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
