this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
