I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
