Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
