Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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