The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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