i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
