god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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