Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
