Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
