im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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