If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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