it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
