quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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