Umm I'm too high to move.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize