The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize