11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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