Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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