I'm lost and stupid without you.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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