i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize