Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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