that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
