okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
