Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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