oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
