iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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