i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
