just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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