I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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