Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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