When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
