my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
