My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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