if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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