I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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