Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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