guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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