We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am naked and annoyed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
