So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
