I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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