What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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