I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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