trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
