Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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