Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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