I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize