Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
