yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
