I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
