Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
