I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
