the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize