1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
