What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
