I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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