I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
