I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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