I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
