i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
