You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
