I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
