Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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