i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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