Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
