I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
