im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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