nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i dont even know how to be here
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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