Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
