I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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