he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
