level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize