this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
