Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
soo... how was my night?
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