so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
