she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
