so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
