I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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