I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize