come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
