please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize