bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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