I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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