i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
