I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
