My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
