i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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