the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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