Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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