Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am midnight drunk by noon
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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