Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How does one acquire holy water?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
