Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
