I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
