There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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