im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize